#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
What if I go crazy and kill her and not what I did?
Bridges, windows, washing machines…you name it. Horrible. He will be 13 soon and still gives me the chills when I think about it.
Knives are for me still too. My mother in law will come over to cook and while she’s cooking she always sets the knives on the kitchen window sill it gives me so much anxiety ..even this many years later.
OMG. It’s so good to hear someone else say this. I have gotten past it now, but for years after PTSD from my first postpartum issues, I had a hard time with knives.
I forgot to add the horror that I was afraid of cooking him instead of the chicken and feeding to his dad in sandwiches. My mind was a hell. I had pelvic dysfunction and an emergency section and we couldn’t breastfeed so I pumped. I’d say any of those things alone could have contributed.
My most horrible thought during my bout with PPD was that my baby and husband would be better off without me. I had visions of jumping in front of a truck. I really didn’t think they needed me. I also had thoughts of ending my marriage. 11 years and 3 children later we are a happy family.
Every time I walked through the kitchen, I would imagine myself hurting her. Putting her in the microwave, the oven, or stabbing her with knives. I never actually wanted to do these things, but the thoughts were relentless and terrifying. I couldn’t make them stop.
My daughter was going to die in a car crash, positional asphyxiation, SIDS, basically any horrible thing you read about online, I thought it was going to happen.
I worry I’m not sane enough to be a good mother.
I’m drowning. We’re Drowning.
I very clearly remember thinking that my baby would be better off with anyone else as his mother. I thought about leaving him at the hospital or on someone’s doorstep like you read about in the fairy tales. I even thought about up and leaving in the middle of the night, that he’d be better off with just his dad.
I could do just drive this car into traffic with all my kids and end this pain for all of us.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret