#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I had thoughts popping into my head continuously about taking my life. That my son and everyone else would be better off if I was dead. I thought I was unnecessary since I wasn’t breastfeeding. I thought my sister should be my sons mother and others who loved me would take care of him. I had intrusive thoughts continuously about regretting having the baby. You are not alone!
The night I had my baby I thought my husband was going to judge me as an unfit mother and take my baby away. I also had an image of my husband coming im the room and the baby’s neck had snapped.
I had a replay of thoughts about killing myself. That I was not a good enough mother and was not necessary to him since I wasn’t breastfeeding. I thought my sister would do a better job and my family would step in. He was loved enough and would be better off without me.
I have had thoughts of regret on having my baby over and over. You are not alone!
I kept “seeing” my baby’s head being smashed on our fireplace. What frightened me was that I would see it ever time I got frustrated or overwhelmed with my kids. At first I was able to push these thoughts away but they became more frequent and awful. I began to be terrified that one day I would snap and really do it. I finally told my doctor and got some medication.
I fear my baby will die of SIDS. I elaborated imagine finding her not breathing and imagine how the funeral will be and how I would tell people.
That I would throw my baby down the stairs. The vision is so vivid in detail it has caused PTSD. CBT therapy & medication has saved my life.
What if Child Protective Service comes and steals my children because I am an unfit mom? Eventually it got so bad that I thought, what if I drive away and never come back?
What if I walk into the street waiting for a car to hit me?
What if I would become bedridden & unable to function anymore due to the heightened anxiety causing severe insomnia. The fear of being unable to care for my kids became horrifying.
No one else could take care of the baby, if anyone tried, they were going to hurt him, everyone became the danger.
I couldn’t leave him, he nursed exclusively, never a bottle, feared taking him outside, because “they” were going to get him.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret