#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I regretted having my son until going back to work when he was almost 4 months old.
I used to stay late at work so I didn’t have to go home and take care of my LO. When my SO asked me about it, I realized it was time to get help.
After my 2nd son was born I became preoccupied with the logistics of a hypothetical car crash while I was driving with him. I would look at cars around me and think “if that car hit me, how bad would it be? Would I die? Would the baby be ok? If I did die, what would happen?”
During one particularly rough, sleep-deprived day, I was nursing my fussy baby and had a fleeting thought of throwing her off of me and onto the bed. No less than five seconds passed after I had that thought and I realized I was suffering from PPD/PPA. It was the thought that finally made me realize something was not normal, and I admitted that to myself, and got help.
I was terrified I would shake my baby until he stopped crying. I never felt compelled to do this but couldn’t remove the thoughts around what would happen if I did. I was then convinced that if I shared this with anyone they would take my baby away from me.
My children are now teenagers and thank goodness they have always been happy and healthy. Becoming a mother was so exciting, but emotionally a complete shock to the system. Everything had been goin well with the first one, but when I had my second baby, I started to get intrusive thoughts. I told no one up until now. I’m so grateful to get this out in the open. Two images would pop in my head from time to time, for no apparent reason. The first would be me swinging my baby by it’s arm, around my head, over and over. The second, was me driving us all off a cliff, which ended up with me never driving a particularly scary route ever again. Eventually these thoughts faded and stopped popping up. But I still have the memory of this experience which haunts me to this day.
I was out walking with the baby. I called my husband at work and said I was going to leave the baby in his stroller on the street corner and my husband should come pick him up because I was going to run away. I was convinced I was a terrible mother and that my husband and son would be much better off without me. My husband called my midwife that day and asked for help. As it turns out, I’m a freaking great mom. I just had severe PPD and needed medication and therapy.
Being a mother is exhausting and overwhelming. Sometimes I wish I never even had my baby and now I’m pregnant with my 2nd child. I love both my children to death, but I am mentally and physically exhausted. The constant crying and tugging of my one year old, I get hardly no sleep, I don’t even feel like the same person that I used to be, I’m mean, I’m emotional, and the littlest thing’s can set me over the edge, I’ve thought about putting my hand over my child’s mouth when he screams or crys and just holding it there until he stops. I feel like such a worthless and terrible mother. I need help and I am so afraid to speak out and get real help because I am scared I’m going to be judged and they will take my babies away from the thoughts that I am having.
Every night when baby was 2-3 week’s old I just wanted to sleep but could only think of giving her up for adoption, spanking her for crying and nursing so much or throwing her to the floor. I’m better now.
When my baby was born I kept wondering why my husband and I chose to have a baby. “We were so happy” I kept telling myself. I would look at my baby and think “if she wasn’t here anymore I would be ok”. I felt so terrible after those thoughts. She was only a couple of days old and I didn’t feel that amazing “love” you’re supposed to with kids. Breastfeeding was terrible and I would look at my husband when he slept and felt so angry. One day I looked at my angel and knew she was my everything.
With my first, I’d be doing laundry and imagine what would happen if I put the baby in the washer with the clothes. It scared me that I’d have such a screwed up thought, so I immediately went and held and loved on baby, cooked a nice dinner and cleaned up the house to feel like a perfect mommy again.
The night my baby was born I thought my husband was going to take my baby from me as I couldn’t be a mother. I also had a dream that my husband came into our room crying because the baby’s neck was snapped.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret