#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I thought it was just feelings that all moms went through until I was washing the dishes one night. I though if the knife just sliced my finger I would have to go get stitches. Stitches meant I could go to the hospital and get a break from being a mom.
I have a son and a daughter, 3 and 1 year old. They are the most amazing kids I could ask for.
However, I watched tons of videos about incurable genetical disorders and now every time I see that one of them does something that slightly looks like a symptom of such disorder, I get crazy anxiety attacks. When it happens, my brain starts picturing myself watching them getting worse and eventually disabled, and me nursing them until one of us die. I imagine our lives being ruined and miserable and there is nothing I will be able to do about that. When it happens, I can’t function. I start sweating and shaking. The worst part is that it causes me to not enjoy my amazing kids, and makes me feel super guilty 🙁
When I was pregnant (with a baby that was conceived through IVF after many years of longing for a child) I extensively researched funeral arrangements and filled out a document with my wishes on how to handle my funeral. I couldn’t imagine coexisting with the baby I knew was in my body but couldn’t picture or connect with.
I didn’t want to self harm but was in such a dark place that I “knew” that I was not going to be there when the child was born.
At night i have trouble sleeping and i always fear a crazy neighbor will break in and try to stab us to death and im afraid i wont make it to the crib to save my baby im so scared of this happening
Every night before i go to bed I am so afraid i will die in my sleep since i am diabetic and health problems run in my family and my fiancé will not notice until he gets back from work and my baby will be without food, water and milk all day or even worse fall out the crib and pass out from not eating.
When I was pregnant I developed Covid and pneumonia. I had to be hospitalized for days. I was alone and going into early labor. I developed preeclampsia. Fast forward to now, I’m 4 months postpartum and I have a beautiful healthy baby. For the life of me I can not shake the anxiety that she could get sick and it could be my fault. I’m vaccinated and so is a lot of my family but I still avoid large gatherings at all cost. My family on both sides doesn’t understand and I feel like I’m crazy for wanting to be as safe as possible. I’m so scared of her getting sick and dying. I don’t ever want to live a day in this world without her.
“Fuck my life.” Gently kisses baby’s forehead.
I was convinced that my son isn’t going to be with us for long. I thought I miscarried him early on (would’ve been our 3rd loss) and when we found out he was still there I was so happy but now I’m scared I won’t get to keep him. He’s our last baby and my biggest fear is something happening to him.
My thoughts would cycle through certain phases. Every night on the way home I would think, “If I just wrecked my car on purpose, my family would just think I was reaching for my phone. They’d never know I did it on purpose.” Then I would feel guilty for having such thoughts, and I would think, “Well, I don’t have to die. I would just drive and not come home. By the time anyone realized I was missing, I could be 100 miles away from here in any direction.” Then I’d get home after and the day would finally end. I would just pray that when I fell asleep for the night I just wouldn’t wake up. I’d dread waking up the next morning because I knew my thought pattern would cycle through the same thoughts again the next day.
I am not okay. Everywhere I go I see “It’s okay to not be okay” So, great. So, then what? It’s okay to not be okay? I AM NOT OKAY. I don’t need validating. I don’t need permission. I need to feel better.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret