#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I went on a drinking binge to cope with postpartum anxiety.
It once flashed through my mind the thought of putting my newborn in the trash can, during an utterly exhausted middle of the night breast feed wake up call while trying to recover from surgery. I felt so much guilt & fear & shame that I’ve never shared this with anyone.
I envisioned my newborn falling out our bedroom window, down the stairs, out of the crib. Falling was an unhealthy obsessive fear.
The tempting thought to drive into the river was the worst night of my life. Absolute worst. Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Don’t believe all the death lies. Don’t act on them. Reach out bravely (so much bravery) for help. Hope will eventually come.
What if we both just “fell” down the stairs?
If my husband goes to work, something really bad is going to happen.
If I don’t wash these bottles well enough, she’s going to get really really ill.
If I sleep, she’s going to die and I won’t realise.
We have to watch her all the time, in case she stops breathing.
Nobody else can hold her, because she’s mine and I should know how to look after her best.
I couldn’t pick up a scissors that was in the bathroom for fear of what I might do to my little girl. It made me feel like a monster for even thinking it and the only one ive ever told this to is my husband. It’s still not easy to admit to a year later.
I was so sleep deprived and alone with my twins screaming. I envisioned putting my hand over my sons mouth until he stopped breathing… I checked myself into the hospital the next day.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret