#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
One thought I had in the first few months, “Throw the baby out the window.” I’m thankful I sought out therapy…
I walked out on my balcony when the baby was crying non stop, I thought to myself, I will just drop him off the second floor balcony, then I’ll be able to get some rest. I got help for my postpartum depression soon after.
I was terrified we would be in a bank during an armed robbery. I would shield her with my body while begging for our lives to be spared. It still makes me cry after 5 years. Not because the thought still bothers me, but because I remember how terrible it made me feel. We had/have virtually no need to ever go inside a bank. It goes to show how truly irrational these types of thoughts can be.
My heart doesn’t want to drown my children but my mind sometimes thinks it does.
I could just drive into this light pole and it would all be over… or I’d at least be hospitalized. Everyone would know how bad it’s gotten and I’d finally get some rest.
The sudden feeling that the person driving next to you is going to randomly shoot you through the window. Every. Time. You. Drive.
How long would it take them to track me down if I just got in the car and kept on driving? How far could I get? Could I really disappear?
Step by step vivid images of exactly how and in what order I would drown my children. I couldn’t even walk past the bathroom without seeing it all play out in my mind. I hated those thoughts and myself. Now I am better and I know better.
I thought that I would lose control and suddenly drop the baby on purpose or stab the baby. I spent all day every day worrying about this and feeling like an awful mother who didn’t deserve the beautiful baby I had. I told my husband and my doctor and they were very supportive. I increased my meds and read a book about intrusive thoughts and got better fairly quickly.
My baby would get a disease or swallow so much hair from being around my sister in laws live in dog that she’d die or get seriously ill.
I imagined putting my baby in the dryer and turning it on. It scared me to think of how easy it would be to do something so harmful. I felt like I could never tell anyone, because they would take my baby away from me.
I’m afraid I have made and am still making all the wrong decisions for my son, like letting him cry it out more than rocking him. He’s not a cuddler, and I take it personally. I’m afraid he won’t love me, like me, or want me to be a part of his life as he grows up.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret