#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Sometimes I want to sign my parental rights away to my husband and just drive away and hide. I feel like they would be better off if I wasn’t even in the picture anymore.
I’m afraid my son is bonding more with my sister than with me. Simply because she keeps taking him from me and I just let it happen. But if I tell her anything I turn into the bad guy who isn’t accepting her help.
After loosing my second child in my 27th week of pregnancy, I started having intrusive thoughts at night about harming my 4 year old. I felt like the worst mother in the world and I must be the only woman who thought this way about their child who they loved unconditionally. I told my partner and I seeked out help. Its been almost a year since we lost our son and each day is different, some are easier then others but I know I’ll get there, one day at a time, If my story helps just one mom find the courage to speak out, to know she’s not alone and that she’s not a bad mom or going crazy than I will keep sharing my story.
That song “when the wind blows the cradle with fall, down will come baby cradle and all”… I was singing it to baby one day and had this intrusive thought that I wished she really would fall out of a tree or something and all this stress would be over. I could have my life back, I could sleep, etc. As a nurse and a human, this was so scary to me and further pushed me into myself and my depression that I was deranged and a worthless mother.
I constantly worry about her being out of my sight, or if she’s breathing. I need to go back to work soon for a few hours a day and leave her with her dad during that time but I’m scared of leaving her even with him because I worry too much and he takes naps and I don’t want him napping because I feel like even though she may be napping too he isn’t aware. Plus he doesn’t take all of the obsessive safety precautions that I take because he thinks “it’s fine, that won’t happen”. He doesn’t understand that there’s always a possibility and I can’t take any risks because she came out of me and it was hard as hell to make her , I need her and I can’t risk anything ever happening to her.
I fear that I will never get sleep or a break until my funeral. I fear my daughter will “turn on me.” I fear I’m the only one who can make her happy. I have thought about divorcing my husband and moving in with my dad because he is such a better help with the baby. I fear I will feel bad forever.
I have been so afraid my baby will stop breathing and die. I shake her awake even when I can see her breathing when she sleeps. I have almost crashed my car reaching back to shake the baby when she falls asleep in her car seat. I think she will suffocate herself. I have a panic attack at night when the baby is sleeping upstairs. I have to run upstairs to check on her, even when I see her breathing on the monitor. I never let her have tummy time. Her head is flat and she needs a helmet at 6 months, and I don’t care. A friend had their baby die at daycare at 3 months because he was put down for nap on his tummy. I am so scared for my baby. I have so many intrusive thoughts. I just want to keep her safe.
I love my daughter very much but some times I wish I could go out like before. I feel like I can’t do anything anymore or even go out.
My scary thoughts are getting into a car accident with the baby and the baby dying in his sleep due to SIDS. It is anxiety provoking to type these worries, but I feel that sharing them will help take their power away. My husband says we do what we can to mitigate risks but we can’t let the anxiety run our lives. I know he’s right.
Constantly thinking I’m a bad mother for needing breaks, and letting others feed, change and comfort her. Always thinking my baby will choke on her spit up and stop breathing while I’m driving or that I didn’t buckle her right and we’ll get into a car accident. Always wondering if I’ll drop her down the stairs, thinking I’ll trip and fall on the cement, thinking she’ll suffocate if she has a blanket on. The list doesn’t stop, and it’s exhausting.
As I walked with my sleeping baby to the bedroom to lay down for a nap, I would imagine throwing him across the room. He would hit the wall and crash to the floor and lay there in a slump. I had this image in my head over and over again. I got checked for PPD and my therapist said it was just a phase.
I struggled with blaming my baby for my c-section scar, stretch marks and “fluffy body.”
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret