#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I just let her cry once. I was in bed staring at the wall just thinking, I don’t care, I just don’t care what she needs right now.
Once when I was in the kitchen I had this horrible thought jump into my head.. I could slit her neck. It shocked me to my core, I felt so repulsed for thinking such an awful thing. This thought still plays on repeat at times and every time it comes back I feel sick to my stomach and so ashamed that my mind would ever have such a thought.
I was worried that I would find my baby had died during her sleep. I couldn’t sleep as I had to keep checking her all night. The lack of sleep made the anxiety worst. So I got help, I talked, I developed coping strategies. It’s helped – it’s a work in progress.
After my baby was born and I went back to work on night shift, I called my husband every hour to wake up and make sure the baby was breathing. I would literally count the minutes until I thought it was ok to call again and check.
I worry so much that I won’t be able to feed my baby. Every time she cries I worry she’s hungry, that I’m not producing enough milk, that she will have to go on formula, that my husband will be disappointed and upset that she had to go on formula, that the formula will make her stomach feel completely miserable. I worry she won’t gain weight appropriately. She was crying just now after I fed her and I worried that she wasn’t full, I almost threw up worrying.
When I got overwhelmed and super stressed out from the crying, I had visions of throwing my baby at the wall. Or veering out into traffic if I was driving.
Not even six weeks after having my first baby, my sweet girl she would cry a lot. Turns out she had reflux and possible Colic. But I would always have the hugest fear of shaking her out of stress. And or dropping her going down the stairs and watching her delicate little head splatter. Made me obsessive to always travel outside with her buckled in her car seat.
I constantly worry about her being out of my sight, or if she’s breathing. I need to go back to work soon for a few hours a day and leave her with her dad during that time but I’m scared of leaving her even with him because I worry too much and he takes naps and I don’t want him napping because I feel like even though she may be napping too he isn’t aware. Plus he doesn’t take all of the obsessive safety precautions that I take because he thinks “it’s fine, that won’t happen”. He doesn’t understand that there’s always a possibility and I can’t take any risks because she came out of me and it was hard as hell to make her , I need her and I can’t risk anything ever happening to her.
My husband will drop the baby down the stairs… And I would literally listen for them to get out the door safely.
I worry on a nighly basis that my baby will die in his crib, even writing this causes a bit of anxiety thinking that somehow putting this “taboo” topic out there will increase the odds.
I worry that I’m going to make one small mistake that is going to negatively affect his entire life; like what if that one time we sat by loud music at an amusement park changed the wiring of his brain and he ends up with a developmental delay.
This morning I pictured shaking my baby or throwing her binkie at her because she just wouldn’t sleep. I would never do these things, but the stress and sleep deprivation is overwhelming.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret