#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I had, and still do, thoughts of regret of having my son. I’ve wished for my “old life” back so many times. I’ve had thoughts of “what I have done”, “this was a bad idea”, “I don’t want him anymore”, or “I never should have had him”. It makes me feel so terrible and so ashamed. I love him, I really do. I have great days with him and I am glad I had him. But sometimes motherhood is so hard and my depression and anxiety cripple me and these thoughts enter my head and I just feel so bad for thinking them.
I thought a car or a lorry would mount the pavement and kill me & my children. I’m way past baby years now but I still feel anxious about car accidents and losing my children.
I have impulses that I should just run away and never come back. Also scared to bathe him or take him out in public, which I’m slowly getting better about.
Multiple times a day (every time I change his diaper) I worry someone (day care, my mom, my amazing husband) might be molesting my son or taking child pornography photos of him.
I think about cashing my car into the freeway divider because I just want an excuse to not have to do it all anymore.
I love my baby so much but sometimes I feel like this is a nightmare, and I’m gonna wake up and my life is gonna go back to normal.
I get so nervous when my baby is about to wake up. I wish she can sleep looong periods of time.
I dream of being kidnapped and killed just so my kids could grow up with a normal mom and it wouldn’t be my fault for leaving.
I secretly wanted to leave my baby at a fire station and drive to California.
I felt like my husband was a better parent and I should just leave my family because they’d be better off without me.
Before I got meds I used to look at my arm and visualize someone cutting it open and pulling on all of the nerves and tendons in it. It was so intense that I could feel it some days. To this day, on a particular rough day I still see that image for a second before I force myself to see past it. This is the first time I have ever admitted that to anyone and its been about 4 years.
I would have nightmares about smothering my baby in his sleep while co-sleeping. Except we never once co-slept. I would jump out of bed at all hours of the night and turn on lights, throw off blankets, wake my husband, and search for my son only to discover after several minutes that he was sleeping soundly in his crib in his room across the hall.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret