#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I have been constantly torn between fighting through being a single mom to an 11 month old baby girl or putting her through adoption and walking away completely.
The scariest thing about PPD is that when I was sent to a mental health institution twice recommended by our family doctor after I spoke to her about my scary thoughts which made my husband felt that I would harm our baby and him. Those days were my darkest days, I kept blaming myself and the silence inside those white room made me feel more anxious and scared. It made me feel that i did not have the right to feel any emotions and that if ever those scary thoughts come back I feared that I will be sent there again. All I could think while I was inside the white room, Am I a bad mother? Do I even have the right to be a mother?
Her crying sets off rage inside me. I think about throwing her across the room, crushing her face with my hands, squeezing her so tight that she suffocates and dies. The guilt from these thoughts is so heavy.
I’m scared for my baby to be coming to this creepy world, I’m afraid I won’t be able to protect her from the way I grew up and changing the narrative for her… I’m a black person born and living in south
When my son was first born I imagined throwing him off our two story balcony, this is extremely hard to even think or type. I avoided going near the balcony door all together. I also was extremely sleep deprived for days and absolutely terrified I would go into a psychosis from hearing stories in the news so I asked my partner to get rid of all the knives in fear I would, having a difficult time typing this, stab my baby. I am the complete opposite of a violent person and I love my three children with everything in me. I desperately sought out help and am currently in therapy and in the middle of an antidepressant change. Living with the guilt of the thoughts is a nightmare at times.
On rare occasions when my LO is crying for no reason, like I’ve done the feeding, burping, changing cycle and he doesn’t want any of it, I get the impulse to flick him in the face, ram his dummy or bottle in his mouth to shut him up or just hit him really really unnecessarily hard while burping. I’ve once held the dummy in his mouth when he clearly didn’t want it and I thought once my burping was a little OTT. It makes me feel like an awful mother and like maybe he would be better off with someone who knows what they are doing.
I have had almost every scary thought on this list and my son is 6 months old. I feel so relieved I found this page. Therapy has helped some but this page is so validating and comforting, thank you all so much!
Scared of someone trying to molest my baby. Scenes would play over and over and over again in my head i would cry, become restless, not eat, fear that if i fell asleep i wouldn’t be able to protect my baby. must stay awake. must watch the windows. lock doors. so scared.
I remember being in the thick of of PPD and being so ready for a break that getting hurt or being reckless would mean I could stop. I could stop caring for a my little one and just rest; driving and texting, and being oblivious to the general construct of taking care of my self. I didn’t want to be well, I wanted a break and I was willing to self sabotage until it happened.
Intrusive thoughts of my son being mistakenly put in the hot oven or the washing machine. Constant concern that my husband would have left something on the floor and our baby would choke on it. Thoughts so horrific I shout at myself in my head to stop these awful images, as if it were another person creating them.
Our first baby hasn’t come yet and I keep feeling scared/having images of me sleeping and the baby dying while my husband is supposed to take care of him and then me throwing myself off our balcony. The worst part is a little part of me feels like killing myself would be an escape from my life and the baby dying would be an excuse. But also I’m horrified and that’s not what I want at all.
I keep picturing my son’s twin brother who was stillborn… picturing my living son dying as well…I feel like everything that has happened to them is my fault.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret