#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
With my first child, I was convinced that there would be a fire in the house while I was having sex, and that the baby would die in the fire. With my second, I was even more of a mess. I was convinced I was going to hurt him, to stab him to death or drop him on a hard floor. I put all my energy into maintaining a facade of happiness and normality while inside I was going crazy. Horrible times. I can’t even remember my second child’s babyhood now, I think I have blanked it out.
I held my five day old baby girl over the bed and wondered what would happen if I just dropped her. I wouldn’t hold her for days. I regretted getting pregnant and wanted to give her away.
Sometimes I think about running away. Just get in the car and never come back.
I had thoughts about getting up in the middle of the night and just driving away and disappearing. I just wanted to be alone.
When I was young my father took me to see an old Navy aircraft carrier that had been turned into a museum. I would love to share this experience with my own son, but all I can think of is him falling from the ship into the gator infested waters below. Even though I know there are barriers around the ship I can’t help but be sure it would happen if I took him.
I have seen my son’s face turn blue. I have felt him go limp in my arms. I have screamed for the NICU nurse, certain that this time he wouldn’t come back. He’s 18 months now; our NICU days are long past. But I still wake up in the middle of the night – in a blind panic – CERTAIN that he stopped breathing. It’s like a part of me dies every time it happens. I don’t know how many parts there are left.
I hear all the time how my thoughts are unfounded. My husband. My family. “You’re just a worry wart.” and “It’s all in your head.” they say to me.
The family next to us in the NICU with their two tiny boys. Going home with one boy. One, when there should have been two.
Don’t tell me my fears are unfounded. I’ve seen what can happen. My eyes are open. Sometimes I just want to yell! It’s all in my head?! No. This illusion of the immortality of the innocent is all in YOUR head.
When my daughter was 18 months her father and I separated and she wouldn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time at night. I work full time and had no help with her. I started seeing visions of her being smothered with a pillow like it was a movie playing on repeat every night. After several nights I took myself to the hospital. While that was a terrible experience in its self I was able to finally take the steps I needed to get real help. Now the hard days are fewer and farther Apart. They are still there, they still happen but they don’t last for as long or consume me.
I feel completely inadequate as a mother when my baby doesn’t feed properly, doesn’t sleep and basically needs holding 24/7. I feel like I’m a single mum but I’m married! I feel like I’m going utterly batshit crazy and sometimes I think I never should have had this baby or give her up for adoption…
As I was in the shower I pictured that I was giving my baby a bath but the water temperature was extremely hot or extremely cold.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret