#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
My kids are now almost 4 and almost 2 and I’m still scared all the time—that when we drive places we will get in a horrific car accident and I’ll die and leave them behind with no mother or that they’ll die and I will survive; I worry at the playground that they will fall off the play equipment and land in some freak way that will cause them to break their neck or hit their head; I worry that they will be diagnosed with cancer. All. The. Time. And all that overwhelming worry makes me so anxious that I get so angry, I just explode and yell at them, overreacting to small, normal kid things. Recently I yelled at my youngest and my older son went and comforted him, telling him it was ok, mommy still loves him. What kind of mother puts her 3 year old and 1 year old in a position like that? But I know they do need me, so I keep trying and failing, but hopefully failing less as time goes on.
My baby is 1 year old & no one knows that I still think about running away sometimes because I don’t think he cares that much about me & I convince myself of that because I was abused. I believe I will somehow mess him up.
Everything constantly goes thru my mind. Fear my child will get strangled in bed from loose clothing/blankets, kidnaping, car accident, cancer. I also worry I’ll get cancer and leave my baby without a mom.
I used to imagine the stroller getting away from my husband by the street and getting hit by a car or someone snatching it…but when babywearing I imagined falling on her and smashing her with my overweight body. I also could not trust my dogs around her and I still don’t trust daycares. I’m starting therapy soon and even then, she will be with me.
I’m scared i will wake up and my baby boy won’t be breathing im scared to carry him lifeless and to see him laying in a coffin i fear i won’t see him grow.I used to babywear my infant while cooking dinner and when I’d open the oven door, I’d get these images in my head of my baby somehow falling out of his carrier and falling into the heated oven and the door snapping shut and locking as I frantically tried to pull it open. I’d shake my head vigorously to make the images go away and was convinced I was insane.
I was afraid to get into the car with my kids. Every time I closed my eyes I heard the sound of crunching metal.
I wouldn’t open the door for anyone. I was afraid someone was going to come take my babies.
Breastfeeding or cuddling the baby and thinking about puncturing the soft spot on top of her head.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I just want to throw in the towel. Many times I thought about it selfishly on why I had kids. I knew it would be hard but this hard?! I tend to be an overachiever and always busy never being able to relax. I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old and they don’t get along much. This is not what I wanted and I feel it’s my duty to make them like each other and love one another. My husband doesn’t understand because he thinks I am a great mom and my kids love me but I feel that they will wish I was different when they get older. I have many thoughts about “running” or “hightailing” it out of here and never coming back but I couldn’t do that to them or my husband. I don’t know how I got so lucky with someone who supportive and loving but those evil thoughts still exist. The “what if’s”, “what will happens”, “how come this is what’s going on” and “why did this happen to me’s”. I take it day by day. Breath by breath. I miss my time alone. I rarely get it. I feel so needed, touched and exhausted. I am only 1 person and I am slowing forgetting who I am besides just being a mother. I chalk it up to being even more tired than usual even with the meds I am on but I still feel so lost.
Every time my kids get in a car with my husband or mother, I’m convinced it’s the last time I’m going to see them alive. I will worry and panic until they get home.
I worry of myself sexually abusing or harming I worry if I’ve not cleaned myself enough, after doing anything sexual with her dad or myself I worry about being clean enough to hold her, I’ve even told my partner that I’d give up all my parental rights to him as I don’t deserve her, I worry in case I’m too rough with her when I pick her up, or when she cries and me and her dad are having private time I feel awful, I really hate feeling this way and wouldn’t want anyone else to feel this way but I kinda hope someone understands this.
With my first child I would have a intrusive thought of snapping my daughter neck. I could vividly see it. The thought was so intense my hands would tingle. I was so afraid of my own mind. With support from my counseler, family and homeopathic dr I was able to combat my Postpartum Anxiety.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret