#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
1)That I Was Gonna Find My Baby Dead When I Fell Asleep And Some Up To Check On Her. 2)Anything To Do With SIDS 3)That My 1yr Old Isn’t Gonna Love Me And Our Bond Was Going To Be Broken Bc I Have A Newborn 4)Something Happen To Me Or My Husband. 5)My Kids Being Away From Me And Something Happening To Them.
I broke my ankle 5 yrs ago. I had surgery to fix it. At the time I I’ll my had a 9 month old. I went home & took my meds like I was told. I had no help from no one at the time. My boyfriend work all day, my mother worked nights , & his family & I didn’t get along at that time. Well one day I was in so much pain. I took my pain meds. Long story short I fell on top of my child. At the time I was over 200 pounds. Took my child to the hospital, was told his skull was cracked. Cps stepped in right away. Took my child away. I got pregnant while cps was still looking into my life. Well they took that child away too. For 2 yrs I went threw hell. Not just with myself but with my family too. My oldest sister adopted my children. She makes them call her mom & her husband dad. My boyfriend & I are now tia & tio. Last yrs I had my last baby. My last child is 9 months I’m so scared my sister will call cps on me . I’m scared cps will step in & take my child away.I don’t trust anyone. (My older sister called cps on one of my friends& got her children taken away. If she can do it to her than she can do it to me)
My baby sleeping and im asleep as well and she chokes on milk while she sleep and I wake up to a dead baby.
We have a ceramic sink in the kitchen, and I would see myself smashing my baby daughters head against it. So much so I eventually wouldn’t allow myself to go into the kitchen with her.
I frequently have a strong fear that my partner might be sexually abusing our daughter. I have no reason to think this other than my own history. It’s horrible to think such things about a man who is such a great dad.
During this year’s horrific flu season, I was petrified of my baby catching the flu. I would barely allow my older children to get even close to the baby in case they had the flu and weren’t showing symptoms yet, and I had to wash/sanitize my hands after touching anything. Nothing in our house was clean, and I had a panic attack after my children came down with a case of the sniffles. We also had deer mice somehow coming into our house, and I was convinced that we all were going to catch Hantavirus and die.
My baby will stop breathing or choke and I will lose him
Whenever I go to the mall I have had these thoughts like what if my baby falls from the third floor, imagining I threw him out from a certain level, or while we’re on the escalator.
My sweet husband is the most incredible father…he has been from day one. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking that he might harm my daughter. This is beyond disturbing and irrational but my mind keeps going there. These thoughts are so powerful that I find excuses to be in the same room with them. I feel awful about this and could never tell him – this secret eats at me.
My imagination turned everything and anything into a weapon. I couldn’t even charge my phone without having terrible thoughts of strangling my baby. I would have physical responses to these thoughts-I would get hot and my heart would beat faster. I wanted to hold her close to protect her, and get as far away from her as possible at the same time. I was absolutely certain I was going insane. I am so glad I got help when I did.
I was convinced my baby was going to get the flu and die. I was terrified that she would get dropped down the stairs either by me or someone else. I also convinced myself that my baby hated me and loved everyone else.
Even though we are almost 1 1/2 years post partum, I can’t help feeling like I’m a crap mom, I’m failing my son, and he would be better off without me. Part of me knows I’m being ridiculous, but I can’t seem to stop.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret