#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was so scared and confused. My boyfriend didn’t think we were ready for a baby and my mom didn’t want me to end up like her. I had an abortion but it’s been causing me more mental stress now than ever. I regret having it so much.
I keep thinking every little thing is something that is wrong with him. Like his jaundice is not going away fast enough so it’s going to make him seriously ill. And I keep thinking I’m going to get sick and die and leave my kids without a mom.
Sometimes I feel like I made a huge mistake. That I shouldn’t have had these kids. That I can’t handle it. That they deserve a better mother than I. That it’s all too hard. I’m afraid I’ll mess them up. That I’ll be too anxious. That I’ll yell too much. That they’ll hate me. I’m afraid I’m doing it all wrong.
When she cries for hours on end it’s so hard not to ‘vigorously rock’ her to sleep.
When my first baby, my daughter, was born I went days without sleeping, 72 hours at one point, because I was worried about what I would do if she or I became a zombie. I didn’t think we would. But the absurd ‘What If’ haunted me. I also feared letting her play in her jumper by the window because of snipers (in the UK), and would move her away from the window even though I knew it was ridiculous.
Why did we have a baby? I love him. But this is so hard. He’s ruining our marriage. I can’t go anywhere. I feel so secluded and lonely.
I am so scared of literally everything. My son is 8 now and I get such severe anxiety that something bad is going to happen that I send myself almost into panic attacks. I don’t want to hinder him from experiencing life because of my fears but I want to protect him at all cost. Its gets really hard and I stay exhausted.
I’m due in less then 2 weeks with my 3rd child which was not planned or expected at all. And all I can think about is how my other children are going to hate me because I’ll be spending all my time with a baby that I’m worried I won’t be able to love as much as my other children especially because me and her father really don’t get along..
What if im sick what if i can’t be around any more for my babies i get that scared that im always going to the doctors or the hospital
I thought was wasn’t going to be a good mom and I was scared hold my baby at first. The couple of months were HARD and sometimes I still struggle with postpartum ALOT. Sometimes I feel like know one understands what I am going through. POSTPARTUM IS STRUGGLE IN MY EVERYDAY LIFE!!
Someone left 18 seconds on the microwave and my first thought was that my baby would die in 18 days.
Letting him play by himself is terrifying. Like he’ll hurt himself on something. Letting him sleep in his own room, he’ll fall out of the crib and vet hurt, or wrap himself in his sleep sack and choke, I won’t hear it. That I won’t wake from the baby monitor. If I’m looking down at my phone/cooking he’ll hurt himself. They’ll test his blood and find out I’ve had a drink and take him away from me. That I’m creating a bratty child by being home with him all the time which will ruin his relationship with his Father. That I’m doing everything wrong so God will take him from me because I don’t deserve to be a Mom (I had an abortion due to being raped and I still struggle with guilt).
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret