#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Why do you hate me? Everyone says how happy you are, how big a smile you have, how you’re such a good baby, how blessed I am. Why then when it’s just us do you scream constantly, fight every nappy change, refuse to sleep, to feed, to engage with me? Why are you happier with anyone else but me? Or is it you feel safe and loved enough to be all those negative emotions with me? Why can’t you just smile so I know I’m doing an ok job of being your mum?
I’m sorry you’re a twin. I’m sorry there’s no time for baby groups, or play with mommy. No time for lots of cuddles or smiles or teaching you the wonders of the world on walks round the park. I’m struggling day to day to keep you both fed, watered, clean and rested. It’s so much harder because there’s two of you needing me constantly. I feel guilty having a shower or meal when I could be spending that time with you both or separately. Worst of all I’m sorry I chose this. I chose to have two embryos transferred for my IVF. I was playing the numbers hoping this time would be the time. This time there’d be a little heartbeat. Then there were two and none of me to give to you both.
Even though her carseat is rear facing, I am going to get rearended and she is going to be crushed to death.
When my daughter was first born I didn’t want to hold or touch her. I had a traumatic birth and she had breathing issues at birth. I had the most intense fear that I was going to get her sick and that she would die. I also was convinced that I was going to die. I couldn’t connect with her, because my anxiety was all consuming. It became who I was. I was so afraid of germs that my hands were bleeding and raw from how often I washed. It was the darkest time in my life.
I flip back and forth between being afraid my children will die and wanting to hurt them. I have never hurt them, but I’ve thought about it and started to act on it. I can’t understand how I could ever want to harm them when something bad happening to them is my biggest fear. My youngest is 9 months old and every day it’s constant anxiety. I’m so tired.
If I tell someone how hard it’s been since I had my baby I can tell they’re waiting for me to say it was worth it. But I don’t think it was. Maybe I will when he’s older.
i have bad ppd since my son was 2 months where I’m scared I’m going to suffocate him with a pillow for no reason and I picture myself doing it. It’s a horrible feeling my anxiety gets the best of me. My son is now a 16 months and i still get bad anxiety not as bad as before but still these bad thoughts of me hurting my son or how would it be or what would happen go threw my head. I still wait to get better and for it to fully go away. sometimes i even feel like giving up because its so overwhelming to deal with just about daily it makes you feel like this horrible mother because you, yourself know you love your child and wouldnt dare to hurt him.
I’m a chef and I’m now terrified of knives. All I can imagine is the knife slipping and seriously injuring myself or others. I have to mentally prepare myself to prep food. I also make sure my son stays clear of the kitchen when I’m preparing food.
After I had my first child he had trouble nursing and was losing weight. I felt terrible, but tried to stay positive. Midwife made me feel very bad and responsible for baby losing weight. I felt like I don’t deserve to be my baby, was afraid that he is going to die and that he will be taken away from me if he doesn’t gain weight and I will be sent to a prison or to a mental institution.
When my son was inconsolable as an infant, all I could imagine was dropping him right where i was standing and walking away forever. I never did, but it was a constant thought.
Sometimes I wish my husband would just divorce me so I would get a few days off each month. I am a Mama of 3, work full time, and just need a break sometimes!
I fear that someone would steal my child out of my arms or out of his pram while we in a public place.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret