#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I’m really sad. All the time, I love my son so much, he’s 8 months. Almost crawling, pulling himself up! He’s even usually a happy baby minus the teething. I snap over anything, I get horrible thoughts, I’d never hurt him ever but the way I think sometimes makes me feel like I am and he deserves so much better. I know I have ppd & anxiety but I’m too nervous my son will be taken to get help.
My baby is only 8 mouths. He is very regular e peaceful. But sonetimes,when i’m tired, i would come back at my life before him.
It’s about time for me to have another kid…I always wanted more kids. Some days, I still want more kids. But most days, I’m so afraid of living through that internal hell of postpartum depression, stress, and anxiety again. I don’t know that I would make it out alive- literally. So many days I thought- “I’m someone who shouldn’t have had any kids. I can’t handle this. This has made everything in my life worse and I regret it.” There are still some days I think that…it’s been over 2 years.
I see my daughter falling out of my arms or someone who is carrying her, and her head smashes on the ground and is completely crushed.
I often wonder about the sliding doors moment; what if I hadn’t gone through with my surprise pregnancy? What would life be like now?
After I gave birth, I didn’t want to touch or hold my baby boy. I wanted to pretend that he never existed.
I can’t stop apologising to my first born for having another baby & having less time to spend with him. I feel like the baby is ruining his life.
Sometimes if I leave my boys as I reverse out the driveway I imagine myself speeding off and getting on a plane ans flying where no one can find me Or bother me.
I am just so afraid sometimes that i would not love him enough. And that iam a bad mom. There was so many negative thoughts and I was trying to control my feelings and my thoughts. Now my boy is almost 18 month and it’s going better and better. So, don’t give up
I died giving birth to my twins. Twice. And once more that night. I feel cut to the bone that I don’t remember meeting them for the first time or the first four days of their lives and so incredibly guilty that a year later I still haven’t allowed myself time to physically and mentally heal from that.
I keep hearing “if it was anything else you’d have been inhospital for weeks and on bed rest for months” why then was I feeding babies every two hours 48 hours later and discharged in a week. Why was I left for months with an open, bleeding wound and left to care for two newborns by myself after a couple weeks. I feel so resentful- words don’t help me heal, action do. Give a bottle, change a nappy, watch them so I can sleep, give me a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Or just listen to how scared, guilty and inadequate I feel.
I couldn’t kill myself because I was pregnant. The stress and anxiety is worse than I can bear now but I can’t kill myself because “how could a mother choose to leave her baby?”.
Dating makes me regret having my son. I want to start brand new with someone, not have baggage. I wish I waited to have a child with someone who wasn’t my abuser.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret