#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
When I’m walking next to a road, and there’s a wall on the other side of me, I’m terrified a driver will have a heart attack or similar, and squash the pushchair and me against the wall.
That maybe I shouldn’t have had a second kid. I love her so much yet she is so much harder then my first. My ppd is the worst it’s been and it’s to the point I wish I could just run away and never be seen again but I know I’m all they have. I’m going to start seeing a therapist hopefully soon because I know I need more help.
When my son spends the night with his father or grandparents I don’t ever think I’ll see him alive again. I think he’ll die in his sleep and it makes me cry.
Sometimes I miss my life before my baby. I miss the quiet. I miss the freedom. I feel guilty and selfish. On these days, I have to talk myself into being grateful for my babies and remind myself of the joy they bring to my life…some days, sadly, I still don’t believe it.
That I’m going to die of a heart attack or some other natural cause while my husband is at work and I’m home alone with my three children. They’re too young to call 911 themselves.
When I’m driving by myself and my 3 kids are home with my husband, I imagine something terrible faltering at home, like a gas leak or a fire, and they all die. I think about what my life would be like, how I would react, what I would do. Or what would happen if I was killed in an accident away from them. How would their lives be? How would my husband handle the children after my death?
I lived my adult being committed to being child free.. then my partner and I wanted to have a baby. I surprisingly got pregnant easily, and started having second thoughts early on. The baby was born and I didn’t bond at all. I felt as if we’d made the worst possible mistake… as though we made the decision during temporary insanity. I grieved not being to undo it. I resented the baby, and felt like I wasn’t living my authentic life by becoming a mother. I felt it was all a sham. It’s been a tough 16 months but I finally love my baby. My partner and I wished for a way to give him back for months.
I thought my newborn was somehow aware of and emotionally scarred by my intrusive thoughts. I was convinced he would”act out” by intetionally hurting me (pull my hair, bite while nursing) because I deserved to be punished by him for my intrusive thoughts.
I’m not an angry or violent person but I’ve had moments of intense anger towards my son, where I’m holding him and I just want to squeeze him or throw him. Instead I cuddle him, but that moment is scary.
I would have thoughts that I will squeeze my baby really tight and wouldn’t stop, that I would accidently drop her, or not love her when she’s born. I get so scared of having these thoughts. Scared that I might actually do it, but I know I wouldn’t. I know it’s alot of over thinking and fear, but at times it’s hard to get myself to see that just because I’m thinking like that doesn’t mean I’ll actually do it. I never think of doing it. Its more of a “what if”. I would never hurt my baby. I love her so much and can’t wait to see her and love on her and care for her.
I am so overwhelmed by my 2 kids that I often daydream of escaping and leaving everything behind.
I miss my life before having children. I sometimes wish I could just run and never come back home. Life without them seems more appealing. I am overwhelmed.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret