#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I often think I’d be better off without my kids and have imagery of me suffocating them or thinking they might die in a car accident. Im then ruined by so much guilt…. Why kind of person thinks those things.
If anyone knew how depressed I was, they’d take my baby and give her to someone else, and if I failed as a mother and didn’t have my baby, what would be the point of living?
Sometimes I’m so exhausted I feel like I don’t want to be a mom anymore. I’m afraid to tell anyone. I’m afraid they will take my babies and I will never see them again.
I thought my baby would die in the womb or be stillborn so I didn’t want to have a connection with him while pregnant.
I am so very scared that my mother will die before my kids will be old enough to remember her, my mom was diagnosed with dementia 5 years ago and I’m also scared that she will not remember them soon.
I was convinced that my husband and baby would be better off without me, and thought about suicide regularly.
Every time I closed my eyes to sleep, I could only see my hand over her face until she suffocated. She was sleeping so peacefully and hardly ever cried. I had to sleep with my mom for a week while I sought help.
I’m terrified that will kill my baby. I feel a thrill every time I imagine holding my hand over her face until she stops breathing and I feel disgusted at the fact that I do. I want to get help, but I’m scared they’ll take her away from me if I even mention it. I would NEVER hurt my baby, but the thoughts I have.. I don’t like them. I want to get rid of them, but I feel helpless.
When I became a new mom, I was so afraid someone wanted to come and break into my house and steal my son from my bed. It was terrifying. Now that he’ll enter school, I have terrifying images and feelings that an adult will hurt or abuse him. This anxiety I suffer from makes me feel like I have no control sometimes. They are just thoughts but I am learning how to convince myself about that. It takes a lot of time and learning the skills to control it but it’s still very hard to not let my thoughts bully my mind.
I don’t like to talk about my birth story because I’m ashamed that I didn’t try harder. I’m ashamed that I got exhausted too soon and that I didn’t know how to control my breathing. I’m angry at myself for not making my husband practice different birthing positions and ways to reassure me. I can’t listen to other women talk about their natural and unmediated births or watch unmediated births. I feel ashamed that I couldn’t do it without an epidural.
If I’m not playing with my baby when she’s awake or on my phone when she’s asleep my anxiety starts to take over and I can’t stop thinking about running away from her and my husband. I have to be distracted from my thoughts or I become fearful of myself and I can’t function.
When my son was a newborn, I blamed him for my horrible labor and unplanned c-Section. I would think about taking his face with my fingernails and throwing him down the stairs. Later, when he was older and sleeping terribly, I thought about throwing him out the window.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret