#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Anytime I hear my baby scream or cry.. I believe it’s the worst case scenario. Even though it’s not 🙁
I can’t make her stop crying but my mother in law can, maybe I should just give up and give my baby to her.
When he sleeps long stretches at night, I wake up worried that he stopped breathing & the movement monitor malfunctioned and didn’t alert me to the non-movement.
That I was going to go insane and would endanger my children. Maybe I would crack while driving and drive in to a wall or I’d lose my mind while alone with them and end up hurting them.
After the traumatic birth of my first baby I had horrendous intrusive thoughts and images of him being sexually abused (by me, by others). I became so distressed that I was eventually referred to a local perinatal mental health support service. This and medication helped and within a few months the thoughts had begun to subside. With my second baby I had recurring images of violently throwing her (out of things, into things) or knocking her against something. She had terrible colic and when she screamed the thoughts got worse. I’m feeling better now but I still have flashbacks and I think I will always reflect on those early months and years of motherhood with a feeling of loss and sadness.
All of it. That i would leave my husband and baby and start somewhere else alone. That i cant kill myself but maybe if i could make it look like accident then it would be ok. Wish to have an accident so that i can go to hospital and escape at least for some time. Leaving the baby at those anonymous places where they will take care of him. Imagening throwing my baby, shaking him, punching him.
All I hear is an endless stream of how ‘rewarding’, ‘magical’ ‘amazing’ being a parent is and all I can think about is how much I hate it. 2 years in and I’m yet to be struck with the ‘ah ha’ moment that makes me realize all this is worth it. I love my son, I really do but this is no where near as enjoyable as society had me believe it would be. My biggest fear is that this isn’t PND this is just me. That would make me a monster.
When my son was 4 months old I was so depressed and felt alone… my husband and I got into a fight that day. I stood by the window with my baby in my arms and thought it would be over if I just jumped. 2 weeks later I did try to commit suicide and now my son is 10 months old. The guilt I live with everyday is excruciating and even now that I’m getting help, every now and then those scary thoughts lurk around.
I was so overwhelmed and just wanted out of being a mother that I was secretly wishing that my baby would die from SIDS. That way I could get out of my situation without doing anything drastic. When I told my obstetrician she took me seriously and I got the help I so desperately needed.
I’m so scared my baby is going to die in his sleep. I constantly wake up during the night to check his nose to make sure it isn’t unstructured and that the blankets are far away from his face.
That one day as I’m driving down the road I’ll just swerve the car into a ditch or tree and just stop the pain of this depression. That’s when I went to the GP.
I was so worried that I didn’t know how to look after my son properly that I convinced myself that he was better off without me and that I had to leave the family home to keep him safe from me and out of harm’s way. My husband and parents couldn’t reason with me and were really worried about my safety. I ended up at A&E and luckily, the psychiatrist on duty got me a place at a Mother and Baby Unit which was relatively close to home (40 miles away). I hates being there at first and went to some dark places while I was treated but I feel incredibly lucky. PPD (we call it Postnatal Depression her) is an illness. I had a brilliant psychiatrist who specialist in Post Partum mental illness. There is hope. It’s an illness. Being a mum is tough.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret