#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
In the first couple months, I had recurring nightmares of my baby drowning in the bathtub. In them, I’d turn away only to look back and find him under the water. When I’d reach out to him, he’d spiral farther away from me. Because of these nightmares, I get incredibly anxious to bathe him alone, even as we approach his first birthday.
I feel like when I set her on the changing table s in public it will fall off the wall and she will hit her head on the floor unless I keep one leg holding it up and stand on the other foot
Since becoming a mum, really old, bad memories that I’ve tried to block out just keep surfacing. I don’t want to talk to anyone about them but it’s Like becoming a mum has made me vulnerable in ways I couldn’t imagine. That I must protect her from everything and what if I fail!I had really intrusive thoughts with my first and just found out I’m pregnant with number 2. Excited but so scared of my mind and how I may feel after birth. Like a dark hole is waiting to swallow all the joy. I hoping to be brave enough to tell my midwife but I’m scared. Scared I’ll be made to talk to someone and all my walls will crumble.
Being a new mom made me face traumatic things that happened to me as a child. I have flashbacks of an angry father who was abusive and a stressed, non present mother who worked to pay bills. I am angry and depressed. I still struggle with it every day and my baby is eight months old now. I love him but it is so overwhelming being a mom. Please if you are reading this make time for yourself. After one month old, I spent almost every day imagining dying and harming my baby. It slowly got better.. I still need to work on my anger.
Im so scared that I selfishly decided to be a mom and brought this sweet child into a world that is dieing in every sense of the word.
I habitually run through scenarios of the car crashing and what I’d do if the kids were with me. I get panicky making the plan for how to save them. Then while driving I still have though of how easy it would be to veer off the highway or just accelerate without turning on the exit ramp and crashing. It creates the same feeling in my chest that I used to get when I was about to self harm.
I tried to admit my thoughts at the hospital on the evaluation form, and was advised to change my answers or else they’d have to call the social worker.
My baby’s up 4:30 am day 2 I’m seriously sleep deprived. I wanted to throw my baby off the back porch
I feared walking in our narrow hallway next to the stairs carrying our newborn. I thought I’d trip or lose my footing and he’d go flying over the railing down the stairs. I used to walk holding him, touching the opposite wall, sometimes dragging my feet so I never lost contact with the wall and the floor. I had to walk this way many times between my room and his and I was always so relieved when I crossed over the threshold into my bedroom.
My husband was giving my 6 month old daughter a bath while I was washing dishes in the kitchen. I realized I had not heard her squealing for a minute and immediately saw her folded over drowing in the water with my husband asleep beside her. They were both fine, but I haven’t been able to shake the image for over a month and now I’m terrified every night when we give her a bath.
I wished I’d never gotten pregnant while pregnant on my second child. Thought why would I bring another child into this world when I couldn’t be happy. Still working through it and she’s nearly 1 year old
It was in the first week after my son was born and I was in severe pain from my emergency c section and my partner wasn’t being supportive and started yelling at me and I had never felt that overwhelmed and helpless in my life. I imagined me throwing my screaming newborn against the wall.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret